This idea of crappy painting in the beginning always reminds me of Anne Lamott, the Bay Area writer who said "I always do a shitty first draft" I think about that a lot when beginning a painting. It's much easier and in the end, because you don't care, there sometimes results
some remarkable passages of paintings. Although then those become precious and then I spend all morning painting around the good parts which in time wrecks them. So I try to extend the period of time that I "don't care" and try not to think too hard. All parts of the painting at all times are open to change or destruction. No parts should be off limits. I think about how sensitive I can be..How can this feel more raw, more alive? What the hell am I doing? Sometimes I feel like someone is going to blow a whistle and cart me off to a more typical job. One with boundrys, a coffee machine and maybe even an elevator I can take up and down to work. Total insecurity coupled with absolute certainty. This much I know to be true.